My Fear of Not Bonding with My Daughter
Straight from the memories
I always wanted a family, so when my wife discovered she was expecting I was radiating happiness.
She was way ahead of me though. She already knew what to do, to study, to plan. She soon started acting like a mother while I was trying to wrap my head around the thing.
And I couldn’t. Not that I didn’t want to. I just couldn’t.
Thirty-eight weeks passed and I was waiting for her to give birth to our daughter from outside the room in the hospital. Because of covid, I couldn’t hold her hand. It was early in the afternoon. A super quick, yet painful labour and AJ was born. By the evening I was holding her in my arms trying to figure out how I was feeling.
I always thought it would have been a huge game-changer. God, it is. She changed our life but I mean I thought that holding her for the first time would have been a whole new experience.
I hoped so.
I always wanted a family, but since I knew I was going to become a father I was struck with the fear of not being able to bond with my daughter.
What if I couldn’t love her? What if she couldn’t love me?
So I was there holding her and thinking of these fears.
Hoping to feel a striking feeling that would open a door to a new life.
Nothing…
